Purified Heart Before Romantic Love - Part 2 ("I Love Women")

Love or Snare?

(Part II of the reflection on Purified Hearts and Romantic Affections)

There is a phrase one occasionally hears from men, spoken with a kind of playful pride; “I love women.” And trust me, I am not talking about just a platonic love for the goodness of women of all cultures, I mean when men say "I love women" as in polyamory (or being polyamorous), which is the practice of engaging in multiple romantic relationships with the consent and knowledge of everyone involved.

It is often said with admiration, almost as though it were a badge of emotional richness or masculine vitality. The man who says it imagines himself generous with affection, appreciative of beauty, and perhaps even charmingly honest about his nature.

Yet the Scriptures invite us to look more carefully at such declarations. Sometimes what men call love is not love at all. Sometimes it is the early formation of a snare.

One of the most striking examples appears in the life of Solomon. Few men in history possessed the advantages he possessed. He was endowed with extraordinary wisdom, immense wealth, and unparalleled influence. People traveled from distant lands simply to hear him speak.

And yet the Scriptures record something revealing about the orientation of his affections. In 1 Kings we read:

“But king Solomon loved many strange women… of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them.”— 1 Kings 11:1–2

Solomon loved women. And by every historical indication, women loved Solomon as well. His reputation, wealth, intellect, and royal authority made him irresistibly attractive. In modern language, he might easily have been described as a man admired by many and desired by more.

Yet the biblical narrative does not present this as a triumph. It presents it as a tragedy. For the same passage continues:

“For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods.”— 1 Kings 11:4

What appeared to be love was slowly forming a snare. This reveals a sobering spiritual principle: when a person embraces what will ultimately destroy them, something fundamental has already gone wrong within the heart.

Wisdom alone cannot protect a heart that is misdirected in its deepest affections. Solomon himself had once prayed for wisdom, and God had granted it abundantly. Yet even extraordinary intelligence cannot rescue a man whose loves have drifted beyond the boundaries of devotion to God.

The original problem was not merely the presence of those many relationships, it was rather the orientation of the heart behind those relationships.

Many people today speak about love with great enthusiasm. The word itself is used constantly—celebrated in music, defended in philosophy, and romanticized in popular culture. Yet the Scriptures suggest that much of what the world calls love is something very different. It is a snare.

The Book of Proverbs frequently describes temptation in this language, warning that certain desires are like traps laid quietly along the path of life. The danger of a snare is not that it looks dangerous, it is that it often appears attractive. A person can step into it willingly. And this is precisely what happens when the heart has not first been purified by the love of God.

When the human heart begins defining love for itself, it often mistakes intensity for purity, attraction for devotion, and pleasure for meaning. But when the heart itself is spiritually disordered, the loves it produces will inevitably carry that same disorder.

The Illustration of a Faulty Machine

It is similar to a faulty machine in a factory.

If the machine responsible for producing a product is defective, then every item it produces will carry that defect. It does not matter how much effort the machine exerts. It does not matter how expensive the raw materials may be, or how long the production process takes. Even if the finished product appears polished and valuable, the underlying flaw remains.

The problem is not the product, it is the machine. So long as the machine remains faulty, every product it produces will bear its defect. The human heart functions in much the same way. If the heart itself is spiritually misaligned—if it has not first been transformed by the love of God—then the loves that emerge from it will inevitably carry that distortion. A person may speak passionately about love, pursue relationships with sincerity, and even believe deeply in their feelings. Yet if the heart has not first been purified, those loves may quietly become the very instruments of their spiritual undoing.

This is why the Scriptures insist that love must begin somewhere deeper than human emotion. True love begins with God. Only a heart that has been captured by the love of God can begin to understand what love truly is. For the Christian faith does not define love merely as affection, attraction, or emotional intensity. It defines love through the character and actions of God Himself.

The clearest expression of that love appears in the words of John:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”— John 3:16

This love is not possessive, self-indulgent, or driven by appetite.

• It is sacrificial.

• It gives rather than consumes.

• It redeems rather than entangles.

• It saves rather than destroys.

  
  

This is why those who have encountered the love of Christ begin to speak about love differently. Their understanding of it has been reshaped. The heart that has been captured by the love of God begins to see relationships through a different lens.

Love is no longer merely something to experience. It becomes something to steward.

Before you accept such a lifestyle that celebrates or prides itself in “I love women,” the Scriptures quietly ask a deeper question: Has your heart first been captured by the love of God?

For only the heart that has first been purified by divine love can truly understand what it means to love another human being without turning love itself into a snare.