To Love Her Well - Part 1

Part 1: Holiness Is Not Ignorance — The Call to Truly Know Her

For many of us who grew up as fervent Christians, the journey into adulthood came with a unique kind of innocence—one that was sincere, admirable, but also incomplete. Some of us kept ourselves so far from girls that we barely had female friends. We didn’t date, we didn’t flirt, and some of us never said the words “I love you” until the day we entered courtship with marriage firmly in view. These traits were good for purity, but they also came with an unintended consequence: many of us entered adulthood knowing almost nothing about how the female body works.

For people like me, the gap was even wider. I grew up in a home with four boys—no sisters at all. There was no opportunity to learn second-hand from the everyday realities of a female sibling. Except you studied pharmacy or some branch of medical science, a young Christian brother in my background had no business learning about the female biology. Not because anyone said it was forbidden, but because life simply never took us in that direction. Between church work, prayer meetings, evangelism, leadership training, and youthful zeal, women’s health felt like distant territory. In my circle, it was almost a taboo for brothers to sit and discuss what ladies experience. You just didn’t hear those conversations.

What helped me early were my lone moments with God. There were seasons in His presence where He began to teach me—patiently, gently—about the female gender. Their pain. Their emotions. Their cycles. Their hormonal complexities. At the time, I didn’t know the professional terms for what I was learning, but the wisdom itself sank deep and stayed with me. And even without formal vocabulary, it shaped my understanding of women long before I ever stepped into ministry.

This is why the conversation that follows is not theory for me—it is a journey.

For many Christian men, the journey into adulthood is filled with teachings about purity, restraint, spiritual focus, and the pursuit of holiness. These values shape character, strengthen conviction, and anchor a young man in godly discipline. Yet somewhere along the way, in many Christian communities, holiness became unintentionally redefined. It became associated not only with purity of heart, but with silence—silence about the body, silence about biology, silence about the emotional realities of marriage, and above all, silence about the world of women.

Growing up, many were told: Don’t ask too many questions. Don’t know too much. Just keep yourself pure. And in the sincerity of wanting to honour God, men entered marriage spiritually prepared yet practically uninformed. They knew how to pray, but not how to understand a woman’s cycles. They knew how to lead devotions, but not how to support their wives during hormonal shifts. They knew the Scriptures, but not the patterns of fertility and the signs of ovulation.

The result? Years of avoidable pain, misunderstandings, emotional distance, and in some cases, extended seasons of childlessness—not because of demons, but because of ignorance. Scripture did not leave this unaddressed:

“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” — Hosea 4:6 (KJV)

Not lack of holiness. Not lack of zeal. But lack of knowledge.

When God created the woman, He did not shroud her in mystery beyond comprehension. He designed her cycles, her hormonal rhythms, her emotional seasons, and her fertility windows with intentionality. To understand these things is not sin—it is honouring the Designer. God never asked husbands to love blindly. Instead, He gave a clear instruction:

“Dwell with them according to knowledge.” — 1 Peter 3:7 (KJV) [Emphasis and italics mine]

Knowledge is a command. A husband who refuses to learn about his wife—spiritually, emotionally, biologically—is not guarding purity; he is neglecting responsibility.

Holiness is not the absence of knowledge. Holiness is the purity of heart with which knowledge is approached.

And so, this series—To Love Her Well—is an invitation. A gentle yet firm call to Christian men everywhere to pursue not only spiritual depth, but practical wisdom. To step into marriage prepared with understanding, so that love can flow without the hindrance of unnecessary confusion.

This is not a sermon. This is a guide. This is a story of how godliness meets wisdom. And how understanding becomes a form of love.

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